Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse

Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse

by | Aug 17, 2018 | Intentional Living | 0 comments

Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse

Marriage is a big deal. It is so sad that so many marriages are failing and Christians aren’t excluded. I knew the statistic (40-50% of couples divorce and the rate is even higher for those with prior divorces) going into marriage, but the statistics never really impacted me. I grew up with great happily-married parents and my in-laws have a good marriage too. Most of my friends growing up had parents that were still together. I really didn’t have anyone close who was divorced.

Maybe I grew up in a bubble, I don’t know. But once I got married, I started seeing couples break up. My eyes were open and I saw friends and mentors getting divorced. I had no idea that these people were struggling in their marriages. What a burden that many bear alone.

Divorce really hit home for me when I found out a couple we were friends with were getting a divorce. They were married the same day and time as my husband and I.

Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse 1
Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse 2

Divorce has become our new societal norm, and that isn’t healthy. We see more movies and T.V. shows with unhappy and broken homes then ones with healthy marriages.

Please don’t get me wrong and think that I’m bashing people who are divorced or think that no one should ever get divorced. That is not my aim. I want to encourage people to actively work on improving their marriage. 

So how can we not be a statistic? How can we make our marriages thrive? I don’t have all the answers and my husband and I are not perfect by any means, but we have a good marriage.

Good marriages don’t just happen. They take effort and persistence.

Marriage: 3 Ways to be More Intentional with Your Spouse

ONE

Actively Work on Improving your Marriage

Many people get married and stop working at their marriages. You have probably heard that once you are married, you don’t have to date anymore. It is so easy to become comfortable with our spouse and not put in any effort into marriage. But when we aren’t actively working on our marriage, our marriage is slowly going downhill. We have to be intentional with our marriage and work on it.

When my husband and I were doing our premarital counseling, our pastor told us that we need to get a Ph.D. in knowing our spouse. He said most people have maybe a high school diploma in their spouse. We should be actively learning new things about our spouse. I love this idea.

So how do you get a Ph.D. in knowing your spouse? Talk together, share experiences, and date again.

TWO

Set Goals for the Future

This is huge! Goal setting is vital in having a clear vision of what you want to succeed in together. Set goals for your finances, job, spiritual, friendships, physical, relational, and whatever else is important to you.

My husband and I started setting goals in a variety of areas of life before we got married and we continue to adapt and add new goals in at least once a year. By setting goals together, you really become one-flesh with your spouse. Everything comes easier when you are on the same page for the future.

Write your goals down and revisit them. Writing goals down makes your goals more permanent and more likely to be achieved. We make sure to date when we wrote the goals and when we achieve them. It has been amazing for us to see that we have accomplished our goals and many of them we accomplished before we thought we could.

THREE

Change Your Mindset

Mindset is such an incredible factor in everything we do. If you go into your marriage trying to win, your marriage will lose. When you have a mindset shift from focusing on yourself to focusing on your spouse, your going to treat your spouse better.

Most fights usually boil down to selfishness and pride. If selfishness and pride were stripped away, fights would turn into a disagreement and our lives would be so much more peaceful. Selfishness is a deadly poison for marriages, it seeps into the cracks of everyday life. If we looked out for our spouses interests, how much better would our marriages become?

On a practical level, I try to actively put away my selfishness on the little things so I won’t be selfish on the big things, and by no means am I perfect! For example, I try to give my husband the bigger cookie, the better seat, or even admitting that I was wrong etc. By creating this habit, I am wanting the best for my husband, which in turn creates a better marriage.

Let’s get intentional with our marriage because our marriage don’t just affect us. They affect our spouse, our children and future generations. The way we live out our marriage is the most prominent marriage example for our children. I want my children to have amazing marriages, and I want to model that for them. Don’t settle for normal, because divorce is normal.
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4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library

4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library

by | Aug 14, 2018 | Living with Less, Living on Less

4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library

Let me just put this out there…I LOVE the library. If you haven’t been to a library recently, GO! Libraries are not like they were when I was a kid. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed going to the library as a child, but they pretty much only had books, a few movies, and CD’s. Now, libraries are totally upping their game! The resources are amazing and free!  Libraries give us so many resources that help us create a family culture that loves to read.
4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library 3

Libraries are perfect for anyone who wants to be more minimalistic. You can borrow books, toys, games, puzzles, and so much more and then return them when you are done. Talk about the perfect scenario, you check out what you want and you don’t have to keep and store it. Plus, libraries can save you SO much money.

Start taking advantage of the resources the library near you has. Here are some resources to look for:

4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library

ONE

Digital Resources

Many libraries have IPAD’s, SLR Camera Lenses, GoPro’s, portable WIFI, projectors/screens, and so much more to check out. Many libraries have 3D printing for super cheap, computer labs with expensive software on it like Photoshop. So if you need to use a program occasionally, use a library computer. In the town I live in, there is an entire branch of the library that is a digital library. They teach classes on coding, blogging and so much more.

Most libraries also have apps that give you access to free audiobooks, music, and movies. This is how I listen to my books. I don’t pay for a subscription service and I LOOOVE it. Many libraries have resources like free Lynda courses and a variety of online classes.

TWO

Entertainment

Libraries have tons of DVD’s to check out, so you don’t have to buy as many movies or rent them. My family owns less than 5 DVD’s, we just use Netflix and the library. You can put movies on hold online, so you don’t have to go through them at the library. New releases are available too.

 

Many libraries have games and puzzles. This is a great way to try out a new game without paying a high price. We checked out the game Ticket to Ride and loved it. That game is normally $50. It was nice to play it and not buy it. We end up playing the games more if we check them out, because we know we will need to return them. This has helped us just keep a few games we really like at home and check out the rest.

4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library 4

THREE

Home items

Many libraries are providing items that you might not have on hand but need occasionally. Our library has sewing machines, food dehydrators, scrapbooking tools, garden seeds, cake pans, energy efficient electrical tools, seed sifters, fishing poles, cake decorating tips, knitting items, bike repair kits and so much more. Some libraries even rent out tools. How practical!!

 

I threw a big birthday party for my mother-in-law and checked out pretty much everything for the party. I checked out the cake pans (our library has over a hundred different ones), cake decorating tips, cookie cutters, and all the scrapbooking punches I needed. I probably would not have bought those supplies normally, but I was able to make everything look so much nicer without spending a dime. Win-win!

FOUR

Classes and Programs

The classes the libraries provide are amazing. My kids love them. We go to classes that are specific for their ages, art classes for kids, plays, and bilingual classes. The adult classes are great. I have gone to classes where I made bath bombs, took yoga classes, painted a cute wooden sign, and made my own essential oil room spray.

 

The classes were free and I was able to take all these items home for free! The classes range from teaching new skills like coding, gardening, knitting to clothing swaps and escape rooms.

There is so much available for free at libraries. Find out what is available to you and GO to the library. What a great resource that is available to us. So let’s use it! Let’s create a family culture that loves to read!

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How to Save 40% on Groceries Without Coupons

How to Save 40% on Groceries Without Coupons

by | Aug 14, 2018 | Living on Less

How to Save 40% on Groceries Without Coupons

Can you imagine saving 40% of your monthly grocery bill every month? This isn’t just a one time deal; it is a continual monthly savings source.  Now think back to how much you typically spend on groceries in a month, what is 40% of that number? Wouldn’t it be amazing to save that much each month!   You could pay down debt, buy something you love, save for a vacation, or whatever.

So how can you save your family 40% on groceries without clipping coupons? The answer may surprise you, quit throwing away your food. I know that this is super simple, but think back to how often you throw away rotten produce, expired products, and random leftovers. If you throw away your food often, get inspired to make it a priority to not throw your food away.

The average American throws away 40% of their food according to the latest research. This percentage is insane!! That means that 40% of your grocery bill, on average is thrown in the trash. Remember what your 40% number is, now image throwing that money in the trash each month. Yikes!!

This statistic is really upsetting to me for a myriad of reasons. I hate seeing money wasted especially when there are many people going hungry in our own communities and the majority of us throw almost half of our food out. It just isn’t right.

How to Save 40% on Groceries Without Coupons 5
How to Save 40% on Groceries Without Coupons 6

In America alone, we waste $160 billion dollars a year on food according to an article from the NY Times. Beyond just the waste of money and food that could be given to those in need, this causes a huge environmental factor contributing to more landfills.

I believe that God has entrusted us to be good stewards of the money he gives us. I don’t want to be wasting God’s money, because all that I have is His. I want to be a generous person, but when I am not spending my money wisely, it becomes harder to be more generous.

So what can you do about it? How can you cut down on your food waste and not be a statistic? Here are some tips to cut your grocery bill down and not throw money out the window.

3 Ways to Reduce Food Waste

ONE

Don’t Over Buy Produce

How often do you throw out rotten produce? Don’t go crazy on stocking up on food you won’t go through. Evaluate what foods you throw away most. Produce spoils quickly, so don’t go crazy buying a Costco-sized box of oranges or whatever if it goes bad before you finish it. If you do buy extra berries or grapes, take the time to freeze them so you can add them to smoothies or pancakes.

TWO

Know What is in Your Fridge

It is easy to just let food sit in your fridge for waaaay too long.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who has opened a jar of moldy nastiness.  By knowing what you have in your fridge, gives you a better idea of what needs to be used up = less waste. A practical way to make this easier is to organize where things go in your fridge, use clear containers for leftovers, chose a day to go through your fridge and toss what is needing to be tossed etc.

THREE

Freeze Extras

Instead of waiting until your leftovers are beyond the point of no return, freeze them. By freezing your leftovers (and labeling well), you save yourself time and money. You did the prep work already, why wait too long and then have to throw it away.

The process of reducing your food waste isn’t going to occur overnight. It is a process. Don’t get discouraged. Be empowered with the attitude that you are not going to be ok with throwing your food out. Give yourself grace when you do have to throw something away. It is a process, and you will get there!

Knowledge is power and let’s not settle for normal!

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How to Create a Family Conversational Hub

How to Create a Family Conversational Hub

by | Aug 14, 2018 | Intentional Living, Parenting

How to Create a Family Conversational Hub

Did you know that according to new research, American families get only 37 minutes of quality time together each day? This statistic is staggering. How can we create intentional routines to get back more quality time with our families?
Look back to how you are spending your family time right now. Where does your family usually congregate? Do you all come together at the dinner table, the T.V., or somewhere else? It doesn’t just have to be one place. All families have at least one place or activity they do that brings everyone together.
How to Create a Family Conversational Hub 7
How to Create a Family Conversational Hub 8
Most of the time, we don’t put much thought into where our family comes together. But what if we started being deliberate and choose activities and places that would make our families thrive. What would that look like?
Creating a family conversational hub will encourage a deeper connection with our kids and give more opportunities for meaningful discussions. Learn how to create your own family conversational hub that fits your families DNA.

How to Create a Family Conversational Hub

ONE

What do You Want Your Family to Look Like?

Dream with your spouse (and kids if you would like) about what you want your family time to look like. Look back at the times where you felt most connected with your family. What did those times look like? What were you doing? In my family, my husband and I decided that we want to make conversations and memory-making a priority in our family and not screen time.

TWO

How Can I Turn my Vision for my Family into a Reality?

Look back to what you want your family to look like. What are some doable steps to get there? Each family is different and our priorities are different. From my family’s decision, we needed to figure out how to make screen time not our go-to and find activities that would foster conversations and lasting memories for our family.

We brainstormed places and activities where we have had great conversations without a screen distracting us. We came up with three ideas: sitting in a hot tub talking, sitting around a campfire, and taking hikes in nature.

THREE

Making Your New Family Reality Happen

Once you have tangible ideas on how to make your vision your reality, how do you get started? If you need to buy something and/or take something away to make some positive change in your family, DO it!

Our ultimate goal was to get a hot tub, but it wasn’t in the budget. So we started out buying an inexpensive gas firepit from Costco. We called it our poor-man’s hot tub. We chose a gas fire pit because we knew that if we had to go through the process of starting a fire, collecting and splitting logs, it just wasn’t going to happen. The convenience factor of just flipping a switch to get an instant fire is lovely, plus we don’t smell of smoke afterward- win-win!

Since our fire pit is portable, we have had a fire in our front lawn and invite neighbors and of course, we have used it in our backyard. Our fire pit is a conversation hub and gives us the rustic camping feel without the effort and planning. Plus, I’m not ready to go all-out camping with my little ones yet.

To our great surprise, we landed a crazy deal and bought a hot tub. We weren’t planning on buying a hot tub anytime soon (our plan was to buy one in 5-7 years). But, I found one while I was on the NextDoor App for $200 and it was in great condition. So, we bought it and LOVE it. We have the temperature down low enough that my family goes in the evenings or I take the kids in with me in the morning. My husband and I will go in when the kids go to bed. We talk about our day and everything without distractions. Quality time is my number one love language, and by having the hot tub, we are able to spend more quality time as a family and with my husband.

We also started going on more walks and hikes as a family. Exploring nature is so much fun and we want our kids to experience the outdoors. We live near many paved trails that are ideal for strollers and biking. Our goal this summer is to take our family biking.

What or where is your new conversation hub going to be? It’s time to turn your vision for your family into a reality. Don’t expect a quick-fix or that your family is going to be perfect. We aren’t perfect, and no one is. Keep working on creating your new families normal, and soon enough it will become your families way of life.
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Create a Family Culture that Loves to Read

Create a Family Culture that Loves to Read

by | Aug 9, 2018 | Intentional Living, Parenting

Create a Family Culture that Loves to Read

 

There is so much negativity out there on reading. So many adults and kids hate reading. I want my kids to enjoy and love reading. I love the quote by Harry Truman, “Leaders are readers.” This is so true!! Being a continual learner is key to success.

 

Reading opens our eyes to new ideas, potentials, and creativity we would never have had. I can honestly say, I would be a totally different person today if I didn’t read. Reading has transformed my life. Books have changed my perspective and helped guide me through marriage, pregnancy, parenting, and so much more. 

 

Create a Family Culture that Loves to Read 9
Create a Family Culture that Loves to Read 10

I want to instill in my kids the hunger for learning and the love of reading for their own pleasure. Plus, reading is incredibly beneficial for our kids.

Check out these reading statistics:

–Reading aloud to young children is not only one of the best activities to stimulate language and cognitive skills; it also builds motivation, curiosity, and memory.

–The single most significant factor influencing a child’s early educational success is an introduction to books and being read to at home prior to beginning school.

-Creating a steady stream of new, age-appropriate books has been shown to nearly triple interest in reading within months.

As you can see, reading is so important in our children’s development. So how do we encourage a culture of reading at home?

4 Ways to Encourage Your Kids to Read

ONE

Turn the T.V. Off

The television is such a convenience and it is our cultures normal. The average child watches about 24 hours of T.V. each week. Yikes!  Television encourages kids to feel the need to be constantly entertained. Not only that, T.V. doesn’t stimulate our kid’s brains and it decreases their physical activity level.

If your kids are used to a lot of screen time, start replacing that time with reading.  Yes, it will take time and may feel like an inconvenience, but it is worth it.  Being able to read to my kids gives them quality time with me while they are learning.

TWO

Create Reading Routines

Kids thrive on routines. Start adding reading into your existing routines. In the morning and/or at bedtime, read a devotional or a few stories. If your kids are older, read book series like the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis before bedtime. Make reading to your kids a habit so it happens.

THREE

Go to the Library

Go to your library frequently and let your kids choose their own books. Libraries are a great way for your kids to read a variety of books, plus you don’t have to own tons of books. Libraries are really upping their game. Check out my post, “4 Surprising Free Resources at the Library.”

There are tons of classes for kids and adults of all ages. You can check out more than just books too. We have checked out camera lenses, puppet and book kits, cake pans, fishing poles, scrapbooking tools, projector and screen and so much more. The resources are amazing. Check out your libraries digital books and programs. Most of the books I read are free from the Hoopla App.

FOUR

Change your Mindset and What You Say

So many people have a negative attitude towards reading. If your kid has a negative attitude or maybe you do, address it. Change the way you talk about reading. If your child dislikes reading, don’t allow them to say negative things about reading. Teach them to rephrase it by saying things like “I am practicing reading” or “I’m learning to enjoy reading.”

There is so much research on mindsets. Most of us want our kids to have a growth-mindset and not a fixed mindset. In a fixed mindset, a child would say I am not a good reader and they would feel like that is their fate. They don’t believe that they could ever be a good reader, it is fixed.

But a growth-mindset child would say “I am working on becoming a better reader,” they know that it is within their power to be able to achieve or not. Pay attention to how you talk about reading. If you are negative towards reading, your children are more likely to be negative too.

If you say that you don’t have time to read, change what you are telling yourself. Let your children watch you read. Start changing your mindset first, and then watch how your family will follow.

Make reading a priority in your family and watch your family change and grow. Let’s make reading a priority so our children will have bright futures.
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