Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 8, 2018 | Motherhood | 2 comments

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression

Survival mode in motherhood is no fun. I lived there for a while and it sucked all of the joy out of me. I was dealing with postpartum depression after the birth of my son and I felt like I could barely get by. I didn’t deal with postpartum depression with my daughter, so it caught me by surprise.

My list of to-dos was a mile long and I had no energy. I felt inadequate and I felt like I was missing out on what should have been a joy-filled season. I was living for naps and bed. I was so exhausted. When I was in this season, I felt like I would be an inconvenience if I asked for help. I felt like I should be able to manage my home and raise my kids well. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t just buckle-up and be good at this motherhood thing, so I didn’t tell anyone how much I was struggling except my husband (who was incredibly supportive).

I wish I would have been able to put away my pride and ask for help. I know people would have helped if I asked. Now that I am out of that season, I have a much easier time admitting that I dealt with postpartum depression.

So many women suffer from postpartum in secret. I’ve heard stories of women who end up committing suicide because of it and not a single soul knew that they were struggling. This is such a tragedy. If you are dealing with postpartum depression, don’t keep it a secret. Tell someone, actually tell a lot of people. We need so much support in the motherhood game and we need even more when we are dealing with depression.

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression 1

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression 2

The turning point for me was when I was honest with my husband about how bad my depression was. He was worried and wanted me to go to the doctor, so I went the following day. I went to the appointment and they prescribed me an antidepressant, but they said it takes a month before it will start to work.

Something inside me felt like I shouldn’t take it that day (please listen to your doctor). I decided since it would take a month before the antidepressant would start helping, I would try to personally get better in a month. If I couldn’t, I would take the pills. I called my midwife the following day and told her my plan, and she said I could try it (and she would check up on me).

These four tips helped me get out my dark period of postpartum depression.

4 Tips to Get Through Postpartum Depression

ONE

Write Down What You Accomplish and Who You Are

I started to retrain my thinking. I wrote with a dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror everything I accomplished, even if it was something simple like giving my son a bath. My mirror started to fill up with all of these accomplishments. It was a great reminder that I am productive. My husband would write my positive character traits on the mirror too. I needed those encouragements.

TWO

Ground Yourself in Truth

I started reading my Bible again and it made all the difference. Finding my identity in Christ helped to drown out my inadequacies. Truth cuts out the lies we tell ourselves. Reading consistently gave my mind something else to dwell on.

THREE

Give Yourself Grace

I started viewing the depression as a season and not a permanent reality, it gave me hope. I changed my expectations of a perfect Martha Stewart home. If my laundry or dishes didn’t get done, it was ok. This was really hard for me, but the most important job was taking care of my kids and myself.

FOUR

Enjoy the Simple Joys

Once I slowed myself down, I was able to enjoy my children more (and finally stop bleeding). I started to learn how to simply be. The household chores can fall behind for a bit. Our kids grow up so fast, let’s not miss the whole process.

Once my mindset shifted and I wanted to get better, my depression lifted quickly. If you are in this season friend, it doesn’t have to be forever. Get help, speak up, get some rest, and pay attention to what you are thinking. Postpartum depression shouldn’t be a taboo topic; you are not alone.

And for those of you who are not in this season, reach out to the new moms around you. They may be struggling, but will never speak up. Make them a meal, clean their house, offer to watch their other kids, etc. Let’s support each other through this motherhood journey.

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Are You Teachable, Momma?

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 5, 2018 | Intentional Living, Motherhood, Parenting

Are You Teachable, Momma?

One of the most important qualities I want to live out and pass on to my kids is being teachable. If you are teachable, you are constantly learning, doing research, being a good listener, and moving forward. Being teachable casts away pride.

I never want to be unteachable. When we get to the point that we think we know the right way or the only way, that is when we stop growing. I’m sure you have heard the saying that ‘they are just stuck in their ways’. I don’t want to become stuck in my own ways when I get older. That is such a limiting mindset and doesn’t help anyone.

I’m starting to see a lot of moms who are already ‘stuck in their ways.’ This is really sad. I don’t know if it is a generational characteristic or what. But, I don’t think any mom can truthfully say they are an expert in parenting and that their way is the right way.

When moms stop being teachable, they won’t listen to feedback, read books, blogs, or listen to podcasts that will help them become a better mom. They suffer and their kids suffer. We are not meant to be know-it-alls.

Relationships are built when we are teachable. We want our children to be teachable, so shouldn’t we be teachable? I’m not trying to finger-point, but this is a problem. There are some areas in my parenting that I need to be more teachable. This is a process.

So how do we become more teachable?

ONE

Don’t be Judgy

Listen to someone who has different parenting views than you and ask questions. Learn from others why they are parenting the way they are. Ask them questions so you can understand them. Learn from other perspectives. You still might disagree with them, but you will able to understand their heart. Most moms are just wanting to do what is best for their kids. Their method might look different than yours, and that’s ok.

TWO

Start Learning Again

Read a new parenting book, blog, or podcast. Knowledge is power. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I never read or listened to podcasts. My parenting style changed from one book. Books have changed my life for the better. And if you feel like you don’t have time, listen to audiobooks or podcast. Make time for it. Readers are leaders.

THREE

Watch What You Say

What we say becomes our child’s inner voice. Are we uplifting our kids or constantly scolding them? How do you talk to your children?

What we say about our kids and to our kids becomes their future. I just read an amazing parenting book called “Why I Didn’t Rebel” by Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach. She talked about how the majority of kids that rebel has parents that call their kids stubborn, sassy, drama-queen, or say things like when he becomes a teenager, he is going to sneak out. And guess what, when you speak negative things into your child’s identity, they will fulfill it. We need to speak words of life over our children.

If you feel like you are stuck and not moving forward in life, become teachable. We are never meant to be stuck in our ways. Never stop learning. Mend broken relationships that have been damaged by different beliefs or perspectives. Listen and learn. Let’s start uplifting mothers, we all need it!

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A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 4, 2018 | Intentional Living, Living with Less, Motherhood, Parenting

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood

I see so many stressed out and crazy busy moms. They live and breathe exhaustion. It seems like so many moms are just waiting for that next season of motherhood. I’ve heard these phrases countless times:

once my kids are out of diapers then…
once my kids are old enough to go to school…
once my kids are old enough to drive…

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood 5

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood 6

Why do we always think that grass is greener on the other side? Why aren’t we enjoying the season that we are in? We seem to think that the older our kids get, the easier our lives will be. But from my observation, it seems that parents seem to be more stressed out the older their kids get. So why?

4 Ways to Start Enjoying the Season You are in

ONE

We are too Busy

We start off being busy with feeding our kids and changing diapers and managing our babies lives and then we transition to different forms of busyness like taking kids to practices.

So many moms I know don’t know how to be still. We are not meant to run a marathon for eighteen years. We need to rest and take care of ourselves.

Cut out the activities and obligations that are stressing out the family. Start saying no to things. The best memories our kids have are from the moments when we are not busy, and we take the time to enjoy life.

TWO

Take Care of Yourself First, then Your Kids

Many moms serve, serve, serve to the point that they snap at any little thing and they believe they will never have time to do what they want until their kids go off to college.

We have to start putting ourselves before our kids. This may sound selfish but stay with me. If we take care of ourselves well, we become better mothers. Shouldn’t we be modeling to our kids how to take care of themselves? If we run ourselves ragged, how will that help them?

Just because we have kids, doesn’t mean that we need to put our life on hold for years. If our identity is wrapped up in our kids, what happens when they move out?

Start doing the hobbies you love. Start journaling, reading, running, and whatever else brings you joy. Let your kids participate in your passions. They need to see you as a person and not just their mom.

THREE

Step out of Survival Mode

So many moms are living in survival mode all. of. the. time. and they believe that that is the way of motherhood. There can be seasons of survival mode, but that shouldn’t be our permanent existence.

I think that some moms realize that they are in survival mode, but a lot of moms don’t. They have been on the motherhood journey and are just exhausted.

Ladies, there is hope. We are meant to live for more than just mundane tasks and being a chauffeur. Being teachable and having an open mindset is what is blocking mothers from enjoying freedom. You have control of your time. Start believing it. You can make the change.

FOUR

Get Rid of Your Stuff

This one may throw you off, but hear me out. What we own is one of the biggest stressors we have.

Once I started purging my possessions, I have had more time, energy, and way less stress. I have been able to be more present with my kids.

I’ve been helping other moms go through their possessions and they all have found freedom. They are able to do family outings and do things instead of clean. Start cutting out stressors in your life.

Let’s enjoy the season of life we are in because these seasons go so fast. Life is going to go by at light-speed, we might as well have a positive perspective on it.

If you are feeling trapped in motherhood, slow down, breathe and cut the excess in your calendar, activities, and even your stuff. Start taking care of yourself, so you can care well for your family.

We are in this together, let’s enjoy each moment with our precious kids.

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