Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 8, 2018 | Motherhood | 2 comments

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression

Survival mode in motherhood is no fun. I lived there for a while and it sucked all of the joy out of me. I was dealing with postpartum depression after the birth of my son and I felt like I could barely get by. I didn’t deal with postpartum depression with my daughter, so it caught me by surprise.

My list of to-dos was a mile long and I had no energy. I felt inadequate and I felt like I was missing out on what should have been a joy-filled season. I was living for naps and bed. I was so exhausted. When I was in this season, I felt like I would be an inconvenience if I asked for help. I felt like I should be able to manage my home and raise my kids well. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t just buckle-up and be good at this motherhood thing, so I didn’t tell anyone how much I was struggling except my husband (who was incredibly supportive).

I wish I would have been able to put away my pride and ask for help. I know people would have helped if I asked. Now that I am out of that season, I have a much easier time admitting that I dealt with postpartum depression.

So many women suffer from postpartum in secret. I’ve heard stories of women who end up committing suicide because of it and not a single soul knew that they were struggling. This is such a tragedy. If you are dealing with postpartum depression, don’t keep it a secret. Tell someone, actually tell a lot of people. We need so much support in the motherhood game and we need even more when we are dealing with depression.

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression 1

Motherhood’s Dirty Little Secret: Postpartum Depression 2

The turning point for me was when I was honest with my husband about how bad my depression was. He was worried and wanted me to go to the doctor, so I went the following day. I went to the appointment and they prescribed me an antidepressant, but they said it takes a month before it will start to work.

Something inside me felt like I shouldn’t take it that day (please listen to your doctor). I decided since it would take a month before the antidepressant would start helping, I would try to personally get better in a month. If I couldn’t, I would take the pills. I called my midwife the following day and told her my plan, and she said I could try it (and she would check up on me).

These four tips helped me get out my dark period of postpartum depression.

4 Tips to Get Through Postpartum Depression

ONE

Write Down What You Accomplish and Who You Are

I started to retrain my thinking. I wrote with a dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror everything I accomplished, even if it was something simple like giving my son a bath. My mirror started to fill up with all of these accomplishments. It was a great reminder that I am productive. My husband would write my positive character traits on the mirror too. I needed those encouragements.

TWO

Ground Yourself in Truth

I started reading my Bible again and it made all the difference. Finding my identity in Christ helped to drown out my inadequacies. Truth cuts out the lies we tell ourselves. Reading consistently gave my mind something else to dwell on.

THREE

Give Yourself Grace

I started viewing the depression as a season and not a permanent reality, it gave me hope. I changed my expectations of a perfect Martha Stewart home. If my laundry or dishes didn’t get done, it was ok. This was really hard for me, but the most important job was taking care of my kids and myself.

FOUR

Enjoy the Simple Joys

Once I slowed myself down, I was able to enjoy my children more (and finally stop bleeding). I started to learn how to simply be. The household chores can fall behind for a bit. Our kids grow up so fast, let’s not miss the whole process.

Once my mindset shifted and I wanted to get better, my depression lifted quickly. If you are in this season friend, it doesn’t have to be forever. Get help, speak up, get some rest, and pay attention to what you are thinking. Postpartum depression shouldn’t be a taboo topic; you are not alone.

And for those of you who are not in this season, reach out to the new moms around you. They may be struggling, but will never speak up. Make them a meal, clean their house, offer to watch their other kids, etc. Let’s support each other through this motherhood journey.

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5 Steps to a Tidy Kitchen

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 8, 2018 | Living with Less

5 Steps to a Tidy Kitchen

Do you ever look at all the piles of stuff everywhere and feel totally overwhelmed? I used to feel like I could never keep my house clean, even before having kids. Once I started having children, the mess just got worse and I kept excusing it, blaming it on my kids. I realized that I needed to change myself and start creating habits to keep my home in a less chaotic state.

Honestly, I didn’t know where to start. I started to survey my house and realized that most of my stuff doesn’t have a home. I had paperwork in four different places and toys in random bins. I decided that I wanted every item in my house to have a designated home. In doing this, I decided that I need to deal with my stuff and choose what needed to stay and what didn’t.

I also knew that a clean and organized home wasn’t enough. I needed to be disciplined in maintaining my home on an everyday basis. After looking at my home, I realized that my biggest frustrations with mess and clutter was my kitchen. So, I started there.

Here are the five steps I took to get my kitchen from being a constant mess to a more tidy and less-cluttered kitchen. I’m not perfect, and I still have those days where it is messy. But my kitchen is SOOO much better than what it used to be.

5 Steps to a Tidy Kitchen

ONE

Keep the Essentials and What You Love

My kitchen is small and my countertop space is limited, so I made it my goal to get rid of enough kitchen supplies to put almost everything out of sight.

I cut down on the super specific kitchen gadgets like my avocado slicer and strawberry huller. Who really needs them anyway? If the item wasn’t multifunctional it was given away.

Eventually, I was able to pare down to the essentials and man, does it feel wonderful. I can open a drawer without searching endlessly for what I need.

TWO

Become a Detective to Solve Your Problem Areas

The most common countertop space-sucker for me was my clean dishes that were ‘drying’ for days. I needed to find a solution to my problem. And surprisingly, the biggest change for me in my kitchen was getting rid of my drying rack. Read my post 4 Tweaks to a Clutter-Free Home for more details.

I now hand-dry my pots and pans and put them directly away instead of letting them dry for days and take up precious counter space. I have room for everything in my kitchen now and my countertops have space.

THREE

Work Smarter not Harder

My sink used to be filled with dirty dishes because my dishwasher was in use, so I had no room to wash any of my dishes. The dishes became so much harder to clean since they were still dirty and the cycle continued. Once I started running my dishwasher at a convenient time, I was able to load my dishes directly into the dishwasher. I have days that I am off schedule, but this has helped me immensely.

FOUR

Clean While You Cook

My husband can attest, that I would not put anything away until I was done cooking. I wish I would have started cleaning as I cooked years ago. Creating new habits takes work and discipline.

I’ve started reciting this mantra in my head “if it takes less than 30 seconds to put it away, put it away.” By reminding myself to put in the little extra effort, it pays dividends later. I try to put items away as I cook because after dinner I don’t want to clean up after cooking, plus put away dishes.

FIVE

Create an Inviting Kitchen

Most of us are in our kitchens often. What if we made our kitchen look and feel more inviting? I started to diffuse essential oils while I cook and having fresh-cut flowers from my garden. By making my kitchen more of an oasis, it has helped me keep it clean.

Once my kitchen was neater and more organized with what I truly love and use, I have had a much easier time wanting to keep it clean. I struggled and still do with being disciplined in keeping a clean kitchen. When I have an off day and my kitchen looks like a bomb went off, my mood goes sour fast.

Once I have started putting the correlation together, keeping a clean kitchen makes me a better mom and wife. When my kitchen is clean, I cook more and we eat healthier. It really is a domino effect.

What area of your home is the big domino that will affect change in other areas of your life? If you aren’t sure, what area or items always seem out of control? Start paying attention to what areas are the most frustrating to you. Once you start evaluating what you own and being a ruthless editor of what comes in and out, you can find freedom. Make the changes you need so you can be a more available momma and have a more peaceful home.

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Are You Teachable, Momma?

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 5, 2018 | Intentional Living, Motherhood, Parenting

Are You Teachable, Momma?

One of the most important qualities I want to live out and pass on to my kids is being teachable. If you are teachable, you are constantly learning, doing research, being a good listener, and moving forward. Being teachable casts away pride.

I never want to be unteachable. When we get to the point that we think we know the right way or the only way, that is when we stop growing. I’m sure you have heard the saying that ‘they are just stuck in their ways’. I don’t want to become stuck in my own ways when I get older. That is such a limiting mindset and doesn’t help anyone.

I’m starting to see a lot of moms who are already ‘stuck in their ways.’ This is really sad. I don’t know if it is a generational characteristic or what. But, I don’t think any mom can truthfully say they are an expert in parenting and that their way is the right way.

When moms stop being teachable, they won’t listen to feedback, read books, blogs, or listen to podcasts that will help them become a better mom. They suffer and their kids suffer. We are not meant to be know-it-alls.

Relationships are built when we are teachable. We want our children to be teachable, so shouldn’t we be teachable? I’m not trying to finger-point, but this is a problem. There are some areas in my parenting that I need to be more teachable. This is a process.

So how do we become more teachable?

ONE

Don’t be Judgy

Listen to someone who has different parenting views than you and ask questions. Learn from others why they are parenting the way they are. Ask them questions so you can understand them. Learn from other perspectives. You still might disagree with them, but you will able to understand their heart. Most moms are just wanting to do what is best for their kids. Their method might look different than yours, and that’s ok.

TWO

Start Learning Again

Read a new parenting book, blog, or podcast. Knowledge is power. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I never read or listened to podcasts. My parenting style changed from one book. Books have changed my life for the better. And if you feel like you don’t have time, listen to audiobooks or podcast. Make time for it. Readers are leaders.

THREE

Watch What You Say

What we say becomes our child’s inner voice. Are we uplifting our kids or constantly scolding them? How do you talk to your children?

What we say about our kids and to our kids becomes their future. I just read an amazing parenting book called “Why I Didn’t Rebel” by Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach. She talked about how the majority of kids that rebel has parents that call their kids stubborn, sassy, drama-queen, or say things like when he becomes a teenager, he is going to sneak out. And guess what, when you speak negative things into your child’s identity, they will fulfill it. We need to speak words of life over our children.

If you feel like you are stuck and not moving forward in life, become teachable. We are never meant to be stuck in our ways. Never stop learning. Mend broken relationships that have been damaged by different beliefs or perspectives. Listen and learn. Let’s start uplifting mothers, we all need it!

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A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 4, 2018 | Intentional Living, Living with Less, Motherhood, Parenting

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood

I see so many stressed out and crazy busy moms. They live and breathe exhaustion. It seems like so many moms are just waiting for that next season of motherhood. I’ve heard these phrases countless times:

once my kids are out of diapers then…
once my kids are old enough to go to school…
once my kids are old enough to drive…

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood 7

A Fresh Perspective on Every Season of Motherhood 8

Why do we always think that grass is greener on the other side? Why aren’t we enjoying the season that we are in? We seem to think that the older our kids get, the easier our lives will be. But from my observation, it seems that parents seem to be more stressed out the older their kids get. So why?

4 Ways to Start Enjoying the Season You are in

ONE

We are too Busy

We start off being busy with feeding our kids and changing diapers and managing our babies lives and then we transition to different forms of busyness like taking kids to practices.

So many moms I know don’t know how to be still. We are not meant to run a marathon for eighteen years. We need to rest and take care of ourselves.

Cut out the activities and obligations that are stressing out the family. Start saying no to things. The best memories our kids have are from the moments when we are not busy, and we take the time to enjoy life.

TWO

Take Care of Yourself First, then Your Kids

Many moms serve, serve, serve to the point that they snap at any little thing and they believe they will never have time to do what they want until their kids go off to college.

We have to start putting ourselves before our kids. This may sound selfish but stay with me. If we take care of ourselves well, we become better mothers. Shouldn’t we be modeling to our kids how to take care of themselves? If we run ourselves ragged, how will that help them?

Just because we have kids, doesn’t mean that we need to put our life on hold for years. If our identity is wrapped up in our kids, what happens when they move out?

Start doing the hobbies you love. Start journaling, reading, running, and whatever else brings you joy. Let your kids participate in your passions. They need to see you as a person and not just their mom.

THREE

Step out of Survival Mode

So many moms are living in survival mode all. of. the. time. and they believe that that is the way of motherhood. There can be seasons of survival mode, but that shouldn’t be our permanent existence.

I think that some moms realize that they are in survival mode, but a lot of moms don’t. They have been on the motherhood journey and are just exhausted.

Ladies, there is hope. We are meant to live for more than just mundane tasks and being a chauffeur. Being teachable and having an open mindset is what is blocking mothers from enjoying freedom. You have control of your time. Start believing it. You can make the change.

FOUR

Get Rid of Your Stuff

This one may throw you off, but hear me out. What we own is one of the biggest stressors we have.

Once I started purging my possessions, I have had more time, energy, and way less stress. I have been able to be more present with my kids.

I’ve been helping other moms go through their possessions and they all have found freedom. They are able to do family outings and do things instead of clean. Start cutting out stressors in your life.

Let’s enjoy the season of life we are in because these seasons go so fast. Life is going to go by at light-speed, we might as well have a positive perspective on it.

If you are feeling trapped in motherhood, slow down, breathe and cut the excess in your calendar, activities, and even your stuff. Start taking care of yourself, so you can care well for your family.

We are in this together, let’s enjoy each moment with our precious kids.

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How to Gain Freedom by Letting Go of Most of Your Clothes

by Amberlee Rich | Aug 4, 2018 | Living with Less

How to Gain Freedom by Letting Go of Most of Your Clothes

Cleaning out my closet was a little scary. I’ve got to be honest. I had to try on clothes that used to fit- ugg. Which is disappointing. It’s like swimsuit shopping with your whole closet. But once I truly tackled my closet and dealt with all the emotions, I found freedom.

So, let me give you a little of my backstory, I’ve never been a crazy clothing shopper. I’m not a fashionista. But my closet seemed to magically fill up even when I didn’t go clothes shopping. I have been given hand-me-down clothes all my life and I would go clearance shopping and buy random items. I love deals, and I used to buy super cheap clothes that I liked, but didn’t love.

How to Gain Freedom by Letting Go of Most of Your Clothes 9

How to Gain Freedom by Letting Go of Most of Your Clothes 10

My size has changed from having my two kids, so I have clothes in a variety of sizes which adds to the full closet. You know, I have kept those clothes I really want to be able to fit into someday, but when you try them on you can’t get them past your thighs. I don’t think I consciously thought that my closet made me feel bad about myself, but after I started going through it, it did.

At that point, I realized that I wanted to only keep clothes that made me feel good about myself and as Marie Kondo would say ‘spark joy.’ In the past, I would go through my closet and get rid of stuff, and then I kept bringing in more clothes that I didn’t actually love.

If you have been avoiding the process of purging your wardrobe, I feel you. By addressing the reason why you feel like you have nothing to wear in your full closet, you can find freedom. You will be able to have a closet full of clothes you love and keep it that way.

4 Steps to Let Go and Have a Closet You Love

ONE

Dump the Guilt

It is so easy to look at clothing and want to keep them because it was expensive, someone gave it to you, or it was sentimental. Guilt is no fun and should have no room in our closets. Instead of making excuses about why you should keep it, look at each item of clothing you own and decide if it makes you feel good when you wear it. If it doesn’t, donate it.

This was my ah-ha moment. I won a free pair of LuLaRoe leggings that were in a too small size. If you don’t know about these leggings, they are super soft and expensive. I would never normally buy them, so I felt like I should keep them. They fit me when I stood up, but when I sat or bent over, it cut into my gut and was uncomfortable. The leggings made me feel overweight, which is no fun. I was keeping a pair of leggings just because they were expensive, even though I felt like crap when I would wear them and see them in my closet.

Can you relate? What are you keeping because you have guilt about getting rid of it?

TWO

Let Go and Let Someone Else Enjoy your Clothes

When I started to really look at my closet, I realized that I kept on to clothes for all these what-if scenarios. Like if I lose weight, I will fit into these pants (even though they are ten years old). Do I really want to keep these items for that long and will I love them years from now? Probably not.

Instead of holding onto our clothes as a security blanket, let’s be generous and let others enjoy the clothes we don’t love. This mindset shift gave me a reason to purge my closet. By giving my clothes away to people I know and to organizations that I want to support, made this process easier for me. I want my stuff going to a good home.

THREE

Most People Wear 10% of their Clothes

This statistic blew me away and gave me permission to get rid of 90% of my closet (you don’t actually have to do the math, but you get the idea) without feeling like I will miss it.

Cutting out 90% of your closet might make you think you won’t have anything to wear, but evaluate what you actually wear. Do you have a hard time choosing clothes in the morning? It’s probably because you have more clothes that you don’t like than clothes that you love.

FOUR

Only Buy Clothes that you Love

It is so easy to buy clothes for retail therapy or because it is on sale. If we keep repeating our old patterns, our closets are going to be full again in no time with clothes that don’t fit right and are just ok. Be ruthless. Make a pact with yourself that you will only buy what you truly love even if it is a great deal. Just say no.

By buying less you are saving time and money. This is a win-win scenario, but you have to stick to your guns.

By changing the way we think about our clothing and our possessions, we are able to get rid of what is weighing us down. It is so easy to accumulate stuff. Let’s change our mindset and start loving what we look like right now while having a closet full of clothes we love.

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